Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
