I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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