You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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