I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
