Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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