today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
