Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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