I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
