It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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