Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
