actually, I'm a sock model
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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