I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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