Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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