i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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