He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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