ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
