I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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