I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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