i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
