so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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