i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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