Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
