I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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