so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
