are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
