better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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