is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
