Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
