I love black thongs
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
