I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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