It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
