Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im holly from the hills drunk
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
