You really coming over, don't trick.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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