made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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