Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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