My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
