You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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