Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
too bad you live with your parents still
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
