I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
