i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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