True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
