Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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