Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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