3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
