Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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