it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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