i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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