So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
