Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
