he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
