You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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