You really coming over, don't trick.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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