Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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