my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
