I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
