the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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