is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
