You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
