Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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