you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
