my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
