bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
