meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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