Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
