I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
