Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize