At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We had sex on a dog bed..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
