people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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