Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
