Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
